The Cross and Suffering

In our time of deepest affliction, none of us find comfort by endlessly focusing on that suffering. There’s an element of mystery in all our suffering, and in this life we can’t fully understand it, yet we face a subtle temptation to relive and review our suffering. That’s an exercise that will never bring rest and release. What will bring rest and release is spending more time meditating on the cross and the God of the cross (C. J. Mahaney, Living the Cross-Centered Life, p. 98).

I disagree. Mahaney is wrong.

There is nothing subtle about the temptation to relive and review our suffering. It is an in-your-face temptation that screams loudly because it addresses you at your greatest point—the self-pity that drives you to focus on how your are unjustly suffering.

Other than that, Mahaney is dead on.

You will never relieve suffering by reliving suffering.

Reliving it brings some strange perverted sense of comfort. Why? I have no idea, other than the face that it allows us to focus on the most important thing in our lives—us. But I know that in the midst of suffering (spiritual, emotional, or physical), there is comfort in dwelling on it, reliving it, and talking about it.

But it doesn’t really help.

Focusing on the cross puts our suffering in perspective. Whatever you are suffering is nothing compared to what Jesus suffered on the cross. And whatever you are suffering will not separate you from the love of God. Furthermore, whatever you are suffering is part of God’s plan to mature you and prepare you for his service, both now and in eternity.

So in the midst of suffering, think about the cross. Remind yourself that God loves you and sent his Son for you, and having sent his Son, he will not now abandon you, neither to a life of ease or a life of suffering.

He who did not spare His own Son,
but delivered Him over for us all,
how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
Romans 8:32

Okay, One More on Sanford

But for a different reason.

An article in today’s The State (Columbia, SC’s newspaper) is entitled “Sanford’s mental state questioned.”

Some are suggesting a “deeper personality disorder,” a “chemical imbalance, narcissism, and impulsive behavior.” Some are saying he lost contact with reality and should get a psychiatric evaluation.

Yes to narcissism, impulsive behavior, and loss of contact with reality. He is definitely narcissistic and impulsive. He seems to, at least for a time, have lost contact with reality.

But that’s not a mental disorder. That’s life. A psychiatric evaluation won’t help that. It is a spiritual issue. Of course, secular psychologists have no category for that because they lack understanding of humanity. They are the ones out of contact with reality.

Reality is that humanity is helplessly narcissistic. Life is all about self. We are instinctively impulsive, because we do what it takes to satisfy our narcissism. We want it and so we go try to get it. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail. 

The search for a mental disorder, even the very suggestion of it, is evidence of the “blame something else” mentality that infects the world. It can’t be because Sanford is a sinner (like the rest of us). There has to be something wrong with him.

The only true hope for mankind is reality—the reality that we are sinners in need of a Savior. When we come into believing contact with that reality (the only reality there is), the narcissism will fade, the impulses will start to come under control.

A culture of irresponsibility is being fostered by those who suggest mental disorders are why men seek out immoral relationships and power. It’s actually a culture of narcissism that is divorced from the reality of personal sinfulness.

We need a culture of grace. This culture says (to borrow from Tim Keller) I am far worse off than I ever dared to imagine. But through Jesus I am far more loved and accepted than I ever dared to hope.

Until we realize we are fallen creatures who can’t get up, we will continue to look for other things to blame. Only when I reach the depths of hopeless can I see the cross as the real solution.

It may not save my position in life (whether governor, pastor, or anything else). It may not save my marriage. But it will save my soul and give me eternal hope and a new paradigm for living in a broken down world.

Memo to Governor Sanford

SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!

We don’t need to know all this stuff. Just because people ask questions doesn’t mean you need to answer.

But Sanford demonstrates the lengths to which hurting, deceived, and confused people go. They will talk to anyone who will listen. And rarely do they listen to the people they should, and rarely talk only to the people they should.

No one needs an explanation of his “tragic love story.” No one needs to know he found his “soul mate” who is not his wife. The public doesn’t need to know he crossed boundaries with other women.

He is trying to defend the indefensible. He is the classic case of, “I did wrong, but …” Everything that comes after “but” cancels out everything that comes before. He is rationalizing why it was wrong, but it was really okay.

Governor, the news media is not interested in helping you restore your marriage, your spiritual life, or regain integrity. They are interested in one thing, and it’s not even the integrity of state government. They are interested in selling newspapers. They know if they can keep publishing stories about you, people will come back and read them.

You don’t need a news reporter.

You need a biblically grounded pastor who will lovingly get in your face and call you on the carpet. Who will use the word to confront you in your deception, self-absorption, lack of transparency, and immoral thinking. He needs to tell you your biggest problem wasn’t emails, or trips to NYC, or Argentina. Your biggest problem is far deeper. It is a love in your life that allowed you to think those things were okay.

You need to spend much time in the Word, in self-examination in light of Scripture. It will take honesty (something you have struggled with, it appears). It will take courage. But this is what repentant people do.

You also need accountability. This means you need a man who will travel with you everywhere you go and stay in the same room with you unless you are with your wife or your sons. You will have no phone conversations, emails, or other forms of communication that this person is not a part of. He will stand outside the bathroom door until you come out (and you will not take your cell phone with you in the bathroom since you have proven you cannot be trusted in this area). He must be strong enough to take the guff you will give him and strong enough not to give in your sensual, deceived mind. He must be vocal enough to say, “No, not on my watch. You’re not doing that.” There will come a time when the “body man” won’t be necessary anymore. But that time is not now, as you proved by going to NYC with your “spiritual advisor” and committing adultery anyway. If you had done what I am suggesting, he would have had to watch,and I bet things would have been different.

You need to begin to rebuild personal trust and integrity through the establishment of walls and boundaries. Walls won’t always work, and they won’t make you more godly, but they will help protect you until your spiritual strength is sufficient to hold you up. And they are necessary on the road to restoration to God and family.

So three kind of random-ish things:

First, in counseling and discipleship, make people stop before the “but.” Exploring reasons and thinking may be helpful, but not after the “but.” “I did wrong. Period.”

Second, only talk to people who matter and people who can help. One of the worst things you can do in pain is talk to everybody. You want a friendly ear, someone to sympathize. You want to explain. Once you have worn one ear out, you will go looking for another. Why? Because you are self-absorbed in your own pain, and you can’t understand that everyone else doesn’t feel the way you do. You think they want to talk about it as much as you do. Get over yourself. Stop talking about it all the time.

Third, in your life, develop relationships with one or two trusted people who know you well. When hard times come, talk to them and them alone. Make sure they are godly. Make sure they have a biblical understanding of sin and deception. Make sure they aren’t too chicken to say what needs to be said. Make sure they aren’t too calloused to love genuinely.

What I Should Have Said

I recently had a conversation about the gospel with someone who was objecting to the idea that God would send someone to hell simply for being born into a Jewish family or a Hindu family where their religious views were inherited from their family.

I tried to explain that all people know about God and were without excuse. I tried to explain that no one is perfect like God and therefore all were worthy of judgment.

I should have said, “How do you know God would send someone to hell simply for being born into the wrong family?” Or “Why do you believe God would send someone to hell simply for being born into the wrong family?”

This would question the limits of his knowledge and what he was willing to accept as authority.

You see, he was appealing to God’s love as the basis for his rejection of God’s sending people to hell.

But perhaps I should have argued that since God is love, and since he does send Jews and Hindus (and anyone who does not accept Christ as Savior) to hell, there must be a reason other than simply being born into a certain family. And he simply doesn’t know enough to know what that reason is.

Of course, I know that. But he is not yet prepared to see past his current point of reference.

And I know you can’t argue people into salvation. But you never know what God might use to open their minds to truth.

Pray for him. He has his first child on the way and is concerned about raising it (he doesn’t know what it is yet).

Maybe next time …

This and That

Detroit City Council President Pro Tem Monica Conyers traded an $81,000 a year job (plus a city-owned car) for $6000 in bribes. With people whose math skills (and character) see that trade as making sense, it is no wonder that the Detroit is deep trouble financially. I bet this scandal goes pretty deep. Look for KK to be back from TX before it’s all over. I don’t know that I have ever seen a ruder, more socially inept person than MonCon. Of course maybe calling the council president “Shrek” takes place in cities other than Detroit.

What good does it do to sentence a 71 year old man to 150 years in prison? Isn’t that a bit of style over substance? Why not twenty years or thirty? Perhaps it is the world of feel-goodism. We feel better about things even when they make no difference. It is the emotional pound of flesh we are after.

The Tigers are in first place, and I am predicting they will be there at the All-Star break. Don’t hold your breath for October baseball in Detroit though. Zumaya and Rodney are too scary for that. On the other hand, Verlander and Jackson are scary the other way. Hold on to your rally caps, and hope it doesn’t come down to late innings very often.

I like the Lion’s chance this year. I think they will be able to suit up with the best of them. They should be in every game right up until kick-off. There were some photos of mini-camp recently, and I thought they look tough. Some were even sweating.

Seriously, I think the Lions will be better than most people think. Don’t expect the 06 Tigers or the 09 Dolphins or Falcons. But look for 6-8 wins. And come December, remember you heard it here in June.